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What Self Awareness Really Means
Most people throw around the word self awareness without really unpacking it.
Yes, it’s about seeing yourself more objectively and understanding yourself better. But it’s also about having the courage to confront those uncomfortable truths you discover.
When I started this journey, I asked myself a tough question: If I don’t like parts about my current state, why am I still choosing it?
Because that’s the thing. If you’re not actively changing, you are still making a choice to stay the same.
Self awareness means recognizing that truth. It’s being both the subject (the observer) and the object (the observed) in your own life. You’re the one experiencing, feeling, and reacting, while you’re also the one observing yourself. Just think of it like watching yourself in a movie, where you’re the main character.
And once you can see yourself from that third-person view, you can start to ask better questions:
- Who am I now and who am I becoming?
- What’s working for me and what’s not?
- What needs to shift to get me closer to my ideal state?
That’s where the real growth begins.
The Self Explained: Internal vs External
When it comes to the word “self”, i’m referring to your sense of identity, which includes your thoughts, feelings, perceptions, and experiences (both conscious and unconscious).
The self isn’t just one thing. You have an internal self and an external self.
- The internal self includes your thoughts, emotions, values. It’s the private stuff only you know.
- The external self is how others perceive you. It’s your personality, behavior, and presence.
When these two don’t match up, that’s where blind spots arise.
Think of it this way: if you’re presenting yourself as confident but internally feel insecure, that gap creates friction. And eventually, that misalignment shows up as negative emotions, like shame, anger, and fear that can lead to anxiety or burnout.
To close the gap, you’ve got to become more self aware. One way I’ve found helpful is asking for honest feedback from people I trust. It’s not always easy to hear, but it opens your eyes to how you’re really showing up in everyday life.
And you have to listen to this feedback without defensiveness. Because what they’re telling you might be exactly what you’ve been blind to.
Expectations vs Reality: The Story You Tell Yourself
Another part of increasing self awareness is examining the story you’ve been living out.
Most of us carry beliefs from our past that we continue to hold on to.
Beliefs like: I’m not capable, life is unfair, I’ll never be successful.
These stories shape how we interpret everything. They influence how we see ourselves, how we relate to others, and what we believe is possible.
What I've come to realize is: if your expectations don’t match your current reality, that gap becomes your pain.
You start living with constant disappointment and unfulfillment.
To make a change, you have to shift the story you are telling yourself. That’s what an identity shift is. You stop telling yourself the old script and start embodying a new one.
Want to become happy? You can’t just want it. You have to be it.
That word “want” comes from a place of lack, because it means you don’t have it.
So this mindset shift is the difference between staying stuck and moving forward.
You Are Not Your Thoughts
One of the greatest breakthroughs I’ve made in my own life is realizing: You are not your thoughts.
A person can have up to 70,000 thoughts in a day, with many of them being negative, repetitive, which creates a lot of noise.
The key is deciphering the signal from the noise. Awareness is what helps you realize that you don’t have to believe or attach to all your thoughts.
The key is deciphering the signal from the noise. Awareness is what helps you realize that you don’t have to believe or attach to all your thoughts.
And when you build self awareness, you learn to observe your thoughts instead of getting swept up by them. You start to recognize the patterns of negative thinking and make conscious choices to replace them with positive thoughts.
It’s not about being fake positive. It’s about choosing what you focus on.
Just remember: Where your attention goes, your energy flows.
Fueling Change With the Right Energy
Additional questions I like to ask myself:
- What’s fueling me?
- Am I motivated by fear? Insecurity? Scarcity?
- Or am I driven by vision, purpose, and love?
Becoming more self aware means checking the fuel source behind your actions. Sometimes negative fuel can be useful in driving us, but it can become unsustainable over a longer timeline. That’s where self awareness imparts wisdom to choose our fuel source.
If you want to change your life, you have to choose a better energy.
And this isn’t just about “good vibes only.” It’s about emotional control, choosing how to respond, and breaking free from being emotionally reactive.
This is how you start to live intentionally.
This is how you start to live intentionally.
Change From Wanting to Becoming
The moment everything shifted for me was when I stopped just wanting to be different and started becoming different.
Self awareness isn’t about introspection alone. It’s also about application.
It’s about seeing your current state, defining your ideal state, and closing that gap through aligned action.
You can change your personality. You can change your mindset. And you absolutely can change your life.
When you’re willing to see the blind spots that have been right in front of you, then you can start rewriting your own narrative.
It starts with believing it, and then deciding to become it.
So if you’re ready to make a change, build self awareness, and move into the next version of your life, begin by asking yourself:
“What part of me needs to shift for me to become my true potential?”
Let your new found awareness and inner voice guide you.
Sincerely,
Dexter Lam
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