Overcome Fear & Stop Caring What People Think

Hey, so this video is going to be something a little bit different. I want to open up and share some stories about my own life and how I have navigated successfully and failed in different areas in terms of my identity. And the topic of today is about fear. So fear is a huge driving force for your life. Whether you realize it or not. Everything always boils down to that. And what fear does is it prevents you from taking the actions that you want. But if you're courageous, you end up taking those actions.

The goal of this conversation that I want to share with you is about you deciding to either take those risks or live with regret. And I want, if there's anything you can take away from this video, is that you change your relationship with the idea of fear, because when you think about it, there's only three outcomes that happen when you're presented with fear. You can either try and succeed, or try and fail, or don't try and live with the regret of knowing that you could have and not know the outcome, and also not grow from it.

Because if you think about these three permutations, if you tried and you succeeded, then that's great. You learn something, you build your confidence and you grow, and you learn something that you have unlocked, and you know that you're courageous enough to do it. So your subconscious is listening when you do that.

Now, if you are the second option, you try and you fail. You still learn the lessons from it and you still know that you tried. And even though you failed and it might sting a little bit, the fact that you learned something, and the fact that you stepped up to the plate to try is already telling you that, oh, I can learn from this, and I can continue to iterate, and I shouldn't put myself down for it. And from that you also grow. So from these two actions of trying, whether you fail or you succeed, you learn something and you grow from it.

The third option is that you shrink. You don't try and you remain fearful. And the funny thing is, the fears don't necessarily just stay the same. They can grow and they can also multiply into different areas because when you don't try for this one thing. Maybe you also don't try for this other thing, and that could be anything in your life. Whether it's asking someone out for a date, asking for that promotion in your company, trying that new business you wanted to do, or public speaking, sharing things with the world, whatever that thing is.

The more you shrink, there's either an upward spiral or a downward spiral in these things. And the hardest bullet to swallow in this, or pill, is that you will know that you didn't try, and maybe no one else will. And maybe in some ways you can try to justify it in your mind that because I didn't try, then I never failed. But the reality is, by not trying, you are failing. That is what it is. Because you can't lie to yourself. You know in your heart of hearts that you wanted this thing. And by not pursuing it, whatever that thing is, you know that you didn't have the courage to do it. And your subconscious listens to this. So that only reinforces that fear, and that fear begins to grow and it gets harder to kinda surpass that hump.

This is why I think this is such a big message to everyone out there, because a lot of things we want are on the other side of fear. It's literally on the other side of fear. I mean, if we talk about comfort zones, that is also fear. If we talk about just doing things that we really want to do to be authentic, authenticity is, in today's modern society, also about being fearless because we self-censor ourselves. We don't share the things that we want to because we're fearful of judgment, backlash, and just being exiled from the proverbial tribe. And in all of these cases, they all just boil down to fear.

Overthinking, victim mentality, your lack of decision making, and people pleasing, they all stem from fear. This has always been one of the most interesting topics to me because at the end of the day, you have the power to change your reality through the decision to either be courageous and face your fears, or to shrink into oblivion by not deciding to step up and let fear take over. And it touches every part of your life.

And if there's anything I can say about this is that you will always know. And there's this quote by Leila Hormozi, which I think is wonderful, which is that “fear is a mile wide but an inch deep.” And what that means is all of our perceived fears are like looking at a puddle and thinking, we're gonna drown in an ocean. And when we end up facing it, usually the fears that we have are over-exaggerated to a point where it's like, if you take anything to its greatest destination, it's like death. We're just afraid that we're going to die in all of these situations, whether it's asking for a promotion, you're just like, it feels like the world's going to end. But it's usually not the worst-case scenario in all these things.

And when you are fearful but still try, you begin to rewire your brain. You begin to realize that it's not as bad as you played it out in your head to be. Historically, just to give some context, our brains have always evolved for survival. So, a lot of it was physical survival and also being afraid to be rejected by our tribe because being exiled from the tribe meant death. So in today's era, we're usually not running away from lions. It's more of these new types of social fear that come from being afraid of what your peers think, what people you went to school think, what people you work with think, or what your family might think of you. 

Whatever the case may be, these are all just fears of you trying to play smaller than you are because you're afraid of the potential negative consequences of it. But when you really think about it, once you stop caring as much about what people think, because people are usually just caring about themselves for the most part, then you realize that gives you a lot of power to live your own life. 

And the last thing you want is to be on your deathbed and be in a place where you come to the realization that the regrets that you have are regrets that you projected onto the opinions of what you perceived other people would think about you. And that was the only thing stopping you. Think about how crazy that is. Just like, really think about that. Like I want you to sit there and think about that with me. 

Like, imagine if I didn't post this video, right? Like this video might get one one view and that's okay. Like that'll be a failure. I'll learn from it. But if I didn't and I hid away from it, I'll know and I'll regret not sharing it because it's something I want to share. And I'll look back and I realize the only thing stopping me was that I was afraid. And I'll know. I'll know. You might not know because this video wouldn't exist, but I would know. So in your own life, where are there areas where people won't know that you've hidden this away because you haven't verbalized it? You haven't tried, and that is a failure in itself. 

And I want you to know that that can change. You can change. Your identity is not fixed. You have the ability to decide for yourself how you're going to live your life in a different way, starting today. Starting immediately. Right? What is it that you want to have: that hard conversation with someone that you've been fearful of doing? To go and have that trip that you've been thinking about doing? Like for me, I have always had a scarcity mindset. I don't know exactly when it happened. I think it was around my mid twenties, and I still have a little bit of it today for sure, but it was always around security and finances, So I realized for myself, my scarcity mindset came from an insecurity of worrying about finances and like, financial security, right? 

Like, would I be homeless? And then when I played it on, like, the worst case scenario is that I'd be homeless. And don't get me wrong, that is a scary thing. But if you play it out, you realize how long will it take for that to happen? I could do a lot of other things to, like, not be homeless. I could get a job. I could do these things because, you know, right now I'm pursuing YouTube full time and doing mindset coaching. So it's like the first time I've ever kind of seen my bank account decrease. Right. And then that fear really fucks with you. It's just like, ooh, that's scary. But then the longer you sit in it you're like, okay, well then it's on me. It's on me to try, because I would rather this than continue down a path of a career that I didn't like. 

And I realized that some of those careers were great. I learned a lot of experience from it, uh, being in finance and investing. But the thing I couldn't see for myself was that I wouldn't necessarily be successful in those things, because I just wasn't that interested in the day to day of what those things did. Like, I like the skills, and I'm still very interested in those topics, but I think the corporate line of doing that for me was just not the best fit. And it's not to say that I won't get a job in the future and that I won't be in these fields in the future, but right now, I want to pursue this thing, and for that I have to take a risk. So what are the risks that are in your life that you're unwilling to take? But then it ends up that you feel in some capacity that you are settling. Because settling is a form of not going for what you want. That's what it is.

If you're comfortable, if you're satisfied with your life, then this message isn't for you. If you're, you know, bold in your courage and you're doing all the things that are setting your heart on fire, then, you know, hats off to you. But this is for people specifically who have a lot of doubts, who have engulfed themselves in an identity where you feel like you're not living up to your full potential. And when you want to do that, you have to. It's an imperative for yourself to live in alignment with who you are, because that's probably one of your greatest superpowers, is to be you. There's never going to be another you that is the exact same way. Who has the exact same experiences? Your tone of voice, the way you think. You have so many things to offer in this world. But if you let fear be the one driving force that stops you from this, you don't want that to happen. 

Like I said before, you don't want that regret. You'd rather fail and know that you tried. I mean, think about sometimes when you look at sports and you see fans that are booing one team, they're cheering for another, and you have to give your respect for both sides, for even stepping into the ring or stepping into the field to try because they at least tried. They took the shot and when they succeed, that's great. When they fail, they learn. 

So stop caring what people think. Start caring more about what you think of yourself and how you can change the trajectory of your life by doing things out of boldness and courage that could potentially lead you down a path that is more exciting and more fulfilling because it is in alignment with who you believe you want to be. And the more you do that, the better you will be in the long run. So I think I've kind of, what is it called, like beat a dead horse? Enough with this concept. But fear less, be fearless and pursue what you want. There's nothing more admirable than trying. So go do it.

My name is Dexter and have a wonderful day.

Bye Bye.